did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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