you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A+ Viking dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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