Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
