I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
