i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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