Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize