I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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