some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
