Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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