Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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