i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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