I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
