i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize