you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
