So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
