yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
