your room smells of hookers.
And success
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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