You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize