I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
