u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
