After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
