No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
