i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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