just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
