I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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