Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
