I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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