5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
In America we eat man semen.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
