Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
