My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to have your abortion
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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