u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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