I am midnight drunk by noon
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
