areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
