How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
