If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
