I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
