ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
