dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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