SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
