I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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