Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
