brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
