That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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