I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
