nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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