I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
