if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
