So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think my moral compass just broke
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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