the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
