i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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