this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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