maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
