woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
