Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
