He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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