I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
