Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
