Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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