I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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