Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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