she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
