the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
