Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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