Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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