Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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