I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
