would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
