i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
